Day 43

Never be afraid to compliment people. Yes, I know this isn't spiritual, again! But it's so important to let people know that you care about them, and you never know when you might just need that little pick me up!

<3
Mel

Day 42

My most grievous apologies, I have once again started slacking. Last week was just so crazy, I was barely home, and when I was, all that I had in me just wanted to sleep. Today, I have a message that can be applied spiritually, but also to life in general.

Always remember who made you what you are. One day, you'll want to thank them.

Love always,
Mel

Day 41

Frustrated. Disgusted. Concerned. Afraid for. Praying for.

Those are my five adjectives that I've decided best cover my emotional spectrum for the BP execs, and the general mess they're in. I'm not saying they shouldn't be the ones to deal with it because I'm a big proponent of the 'you've made your bed now sleep in it' mentality. How else are we to be expected to learn from out mistakes?

Frustrated.

I feel that they should be employing NASA and all of the other geniuses around the world to fix this. Not the people who let the situation continue on to the extent that this catastrophe could happen. Also, they really need to amp up the number of people cleaning up this mess. Let's be honest. They have the money to afford it. Heck, just one of the execs could pay for all of the scientists with a years salary. I feel that instead of making themselves sound like idiots in front of the news crews, that they should be rolling up their sleeves and cleaning off the grass as well as changing the booms with the 20,000 locals that they've hired to do it for them.

Disgusted.

The way that the exec's are speaking, this is a blip on a radar screen to them. This is a nuisance that caused them to miss their tee time with the higher ups in society. I despise the fact they don't realize that entire communities are suffering because of this. You aren't the only ones who want to get back to your lives, so stop acting like it.

Concerned.

Now you must be thinking that you've got my whole stance figured out by from the last two points right? Wrong. Just because they've royally messed up, it doesn't mean it's ok to point and laugh, and jeer, and riot. What good is all the pressure we're putting on them doing? Sure some people preform well under pressure, and they're lucky to be a rarity. Haven't you ever helped a friend who messed up? Punished a child because you loved them- because they need to learn from that mistake, and then given them a hug, even against their will. Why aren't we hugging BP now?

Afraid for.

I'm terrified that people will never see fit to forgive, and let live. It's not as if BP intended for this to happen. Sure they knew it was a possibility due to their erroneous ways, but wanted it to happen? No. Big oil companies do not want to spend their money paying for dish soap to clean birds.

Praying for.

If we don't, who will. I find it sad that while half of America is still more fired up than Chicago in 1871, the other half have forgotten. This is the self-centered society that we live in. I would hope that I am not the only one praying for a multitude of things surrounding this situation.

You'll have to excuse my ranting, as well as my absence. Friday and Saturday I was sick, as well attending my sister's graduation. Following that, I got rather sunburned on the boat, and was sleeping (painfully!) on the couch, because my Grandparents were staying in my room. And then my internet went cahpoot! I feel slightly conspired against :P just kidding!

Love,
Mel

Day 40

Dear God,

Please help me with this emotional burden I'm feeling. I don't understand it, and I'm too afraid to ask for help. It seems so petty with everything that is going on. I'm just feel like I'm stuck in quicksand, please pull me out....

I love you,
Mel.

Day 39

God is certainly answering my prayers directly lately, and it's such a blessing.

This morning I felt like I was sinking in quicksand. Nearly everyone in my life has been impacted by a death within the last few days. People I hardly ever talk to have reached out to me, in need of love and comfort, and don't take this as a complaint. I am extremely willing, and grateful to be able to help them through these times. I think that one of the beautiful disasters about me though, is that at a young age, I became very good at putting on a happy face, smiling on the outside while I was sobbing on the inside. So, in these past couple of days, as people reach for me, I've felt a heaviness on my heart for these people who are reaching me, as well for everyone else impacted by these tragedies. That's another beautifully painful part of me, I can hurt so badly for people I've never met or heard of. The thought of the repercussions of the incidents have been playing in my mind all week, I've spent some of my alone time in tears, my heart breaking for these strangers, and constantly praying for all of them. Emotionally, it's taken a toll on me, and physically as well. The past 2 nights, I've escaped my thoughts by just going to bed.

So this morning I finally caved, and asked the people that go to my youth group to just say a quick prayer for me through Facebook. I didn't bother to divulge into details, just that I was struggling, and that a prayer would be much appreciated.

During the day, it wasn't much easier, there were memorial services for some people to attend, and talk about when funerals were, while others were still trying to sort through emotions, so by the time I got home, I was mentally worn out. And all of this is on top of the fact that I really do not handle death very well. It's something I have always been uncomfortable with because I've never really been able to wrap my mind around it.

But, about an hour ago, I got a phone call from my brother and it just brightened my whole day and lifted me up quite a bit. See, when I was a little girl, I had a big sister, and divorced parents. The whole divorced parents thing is something that to this day I'm still working through on my own because I feel like I can't talk about it to anyone. But through all of that, the thing I wanted more than anything else in the world was big brother, which, seeing as there wasn't one when I was born, it's a silly thing to dream of and wish for because older siblings don't really just appear. But, when I was 12 my mom married another man, and I was graced with not 1 but 2 older brothers AND another older sister. The younger of the brothers has had a huge impact on my life, and has completely filled that 'older brother void'. He's one of my heroes, and one of the best people I know, however I don't get to talk to him often, and rarely see him, aside from the summers, because he lives in Vermont. So, naturally I was quite excited when he called and just wanted to talk to me. Even though we only talked for a few minutes, it was relaxing and relieving to get to hear from him.

It was so funny too, because in my little call for prayers, I phrased how I was feeling as 'struggling to keep my head above the water' and he brought up a day that we went through together that I really can't describe but to say it relates to water would be an understatement. It wasn't a good day at the time, but the night was amazing, and I had forgotten about the night, even though I frequently think about the day time (which is now a fond memory).

Thank you for reminding me that the night is always darkest before the dawn, but the dawn is coming.

God, thank you so much, everyday, you save me, you really do <3

Mel

Day 38

Another thing that has been in the forefront of my mind is my high school swim season, and how I'm going to juggle a relationship with God and school and life and swimming. Now, Bulldog swimming is not for the faint of heart. We run 10 practices a week, 2 hours per practice. Mondays and Thursdays start at 5:45 AM, while Tuesdays and Fridays start at 5:15 AM, and my day isn't over until at the earliest, 5:30 PM, assuming we don't have a meet. Needless to say, I'm exhausted all of first quarter, as well as sore for a lot of the time, and ALWAYS hungry. So with these types of distractions yanking at my attention, I'm terrified that I'm going to drift apart from God during this time, when I will need him close to me to give me strength. I'm hoping that I'll find the balance to be natural to me, but I doubt it because I've never had to handle 2 things that are so important to me, and 2 things that I really don't want to have to give any part of them up. I would greatly appreciate prayers for wisdom, patience, and good health during the beginning of the school year into the fall, as they will surely help my efforts tremendously.

<3
Mel

Day 37

Yesterday and Today I've been feeling something really heavy on my heart, and I'm not going to talk about what it is, but what it's made me realize.

Love life everyday.

That's the only thing I can ask of you right now. Life is such a short, beautiful thing, and you never know when it'll end.

There's a verse somewhere, and I think I've used it on here before, but it says something to the effect of 'never let the sun set on your anger.'

Please? For me?
Mel